why do i only post shame here

[recalcitrare]

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[recalcitrare]

[The sight of Fevrain's neck stretched out before him -- Zeta couldn't help himself if he wanted to, even if he didn't know it's what Fevrain wanted, even if he couldn't feel Fevrain's thoughts, the way Zeta is making him feel -- Addicting, this is so addicting, why has he resisted this for so long? Zeta leans in to press long, open-mouthed kisses to Fevrain's throat, relishing in the taste of his skin, letting his teeth scrape. He keeps up the grind of his hips against Fevrain's, even as he's desperate for even more skin contact, and he glides his hand down from his neck to his back, feeling the smooth muscle, the slide of his shoulder blades... At the same time, he starts probing those sensitive centers in Fevrain's mind, pushing against them and dragging, swirling -- escalating.]

[reformedcriminal]

[It's like sparks going off in his head. It's like the raw energy and euphoria of regenerating but without the undercurrent of pain or fear. He gasps, eyes fluttering, and comes suddenly and messily in his trousers, thoughts whiting out.

He hasn't come before his partner in centuries.]

[recalcitrare]

[Zeta can feel Fevrain come -- It's impossible for him not to, so far into his mind as he is, and it sends shivers all through his own mind and down his spine. Zeta whines -- It's pushing him fast towards his own climax, but it's not quite enough, not quite there, and physically, he's writhing as mentally, he's wrapping himself in Fevrain's sensations. If he wasn't so desperate, he'd be feeling pretty smug right now.]

[reformedcriminal]

[Fevrain's chest is heaving, his hearts racing. His pants are sticky so he strips them off and tosses them aside. Zeta's arousal looms in his mind and it makes his cock twitch despite having just come. He dives in for a rough kiss and reaches between Zeta's legs to rub at the hardness he finds there. Fevrain is so caught up in sensation that he forgets how close Zeta's getting to things in his mind that he shouldn't see.]

[recalcitrare]

[Zeta moans into the kiss, opening his mouth to him from the very start, and as Fevrain begins to rub his cock through his trousers, he bucks wildly. Almost almost almost -- But it doesn't take long at all for Fevrain to get Zeta to come this way, gasping against Fevrain's mouth and clutching at him. His mind feels riveted on each point of skin contact, even as he curls thought tendrils around Fevrain's, stroking and warm with affection and appreciation.]

[reformedcriminal]

[Zeta and Fevrain's thoughts swirl around each other in a haze of satisfaction. Below, under the surface thoughts, under feelings and memories, in the place where most Gallifreyans have a connection to the Vortex, Fevrain instead has an oubliette.]

[recalcitrare]

[Zeta nuzzles against Fevrain and slowly glides his hands over him, physically and psychically both. He hasn't felt this fulfilled and connected in... ... best not to think about it. Something doesn't quite feel right -- In fact, something feels very wrong, but it's like he's only catching glimpses of it out of the corner of his mind's eye. He does his best to ignore it, unwilling to lose this feeling, and he turns his face to kiss Fevrain's jaw to distract himself.]

[reformedcriminal]

[Fevrain tilts his head to receive Zeta's kisses and sinks into Zeta's touches along his body and mind. He gently traces his fingers over Zeta's cheek, along the shell of his ear, his brow.]

[recalcitrare]

[Zeta relaxes more and more into each touch, leaning into the brush of Fevrain's fingertips. Rassilon... He doesn't want this to end. He feels so consumed by this moment, his focus confined as if they've been partitioned away from the rest of the universe, and he feels no need to break away. He swirls his contented mind around Fevrain's, filled with sparks of amusement and affection.]

Should've listened when you first suggested this, [Zeta offers an impression of this thought, but it's unclear if he's referring to when Fevrain said they should give in to the chemical... or the times Fevrain propositioned him.]

[reformedcriminal]

Are you saying that I was right all along? [Fevrain's reply is colored pink with amusement.]

[recalcitrare]

Yes, alright. [There's none of the begrudging or reluctant tone that Zeta would use if he'd said the words out loud; he's too comfortable (and, dare he say it, happy,). There's nothing to begrudge here, aside from perhaps Zeta himself, and certainly lost time.

Zeta kisses him properly this time, because he can and he wants to.]

[reformedcriminal]

[He should push Zeta out of his mind. Strange, that it's only now that he's thinking that, but even now he can't work up the will to actually do it. Zeta's kiss is too sweet and perfect and lingering, and Fevrain's thoughts are still too soft and pliant and content.]

[recalcitrare]

[His trousers are... messy and uncomfortable. But Fevrain is naked and warm and solid against him, and Zeta is starting to wish they'd done a little more than tackle each other like desperate fifty year olds who hardly know what to do with themselves let alone each other, but his punch drunk happy mind is telling him that there'll always be time for that later, and he believes it.

So he simply kisses Fevrain again, and runs his fingers through his hair, and glides his other hand down Fevrain's back, fingers trailing down his spine, soft and slow and exploratory. And since Fevrain isn't pushing Zeta out of his mind, he copies that touch telepathically.]

[reformedcriminal]

[Fevrain wishes they were somewhere more comfortable, on a bed, somewhere private, where he could curl up into Zeta and bask in the gentle affection while he could.

But a hallway in an underground lab while on a mission isn't conducive to such things.

...the mission...

His mind snaps back, unwinding from Zeta's so quickly it's almost painful.]

[recalcitrare]

[Zeta gasps sharply. Bereft, disoriented, and reeling, he can't help the bite in his voice as he swears on reflex (or the way his fingers dig against Fevrain's skin as he tries to cling to make up for the loss what stability he can find).] What -- What the hell was that for?

[reformedcriminal]

We're in the middle of a mission, in a secure facility we've illicitly broken into. As much as I've love to see how many times I could make you come, we have to get moving.

[recalcitrare]

[... right. Right, of course.

...

Zeta swears again, more viciously and in Gallifreyan. He lifts a hand to rub at his forehead and temple.]

Could've been more careful about it, [he grumbles, but then he's letting go of Fevrain entirely (... with a pang of regret).] Come on, get dressed, then. We need to get a move on.

[... and find the labs where they were developing the chemical so they can destroy their records.

(And Zeta grimaces at the state of his trousers. This is just going to have to be uncomfortable. There's nothing they can do about it now.)]

[reformedcriminal]

[Fevrain doesn't apologize, doesn't say anything at all as he pulls his trousers back on and slips his shirt over his head. Now that he's no longer drowning in how good it feels (not the sex, he expected that to feel good, but how good it felt after, how open and vulnerable he let himself be), he's rattled and unnerved.

Focus on the mission.]

[recalcitrare]

[Zeta hates that he still feels the urge for domesticity, for small affectionate touches, the little things that come from a relationship. He understands where it's from, that much is obvious, even a Time Tot would be able to figure it out. And that makes him hate it more, so much more, but for once, it isn't the main reason.

He feels... blindsided. He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't have ever felt this much soft emotion for Fevrain, wanting relationship aspects from him. This -- It's been precarious enough. He's known, for quite some time, that if he accepted Fevrain's proposition that it could very likely ruin their friendship -- The only one Zeta has. The only one (real one) Fevrain has. And he knew -- He thought he was perfectly satisfied with their friendship. But if he feels like this now, how long has he felt it? How did he never notice? Had he really been that good at squashing it up until he had a taste of it?

Zeta is tense, and he knows what that'll do to the rest of his mood. He's going to have to be careful. If he snaps too much at Fevrain, he could endanger things further. It isn't Fevrain's fault, and he can't be too pleased, either. What a goddamn mess.

Zeta needs to eviscerate something. It can't be Vansell. The mission target won't be satisfying enough. No, he doesn't think he's going to be willing to leave until he's ripped apart the project that produced the chemical.]

[reformedcriminal]

Our target should be this way. Let's get out of here quickly before we succumb to...whatever that was...again.

[He can still taste it on the air, and it's like temptation.]

[recalcitrare]

[Without the chemical hampering them (as severely), it doesn't take them long to reach the target and sabotage it, completing the mission. They remain focused, but there's a tension between them that hadn't existed before, leading to them being mutually short and snippy with each other.

It only makes Zeta want revenge more.

Mission complete, and the basement is still evacuated, the chemical still in the air, but Zeta doesn't feel as though his mind is clouded enough to worry about. He still wants to be close to Fevrain. He can still smell him as though they were on top of each other again. He still wants to taste his lips again. But it's... manageable.

And it makes him bold enough to say something.] I want to find the lab that produced the chemical.

[reformedcriminal]

[Fevrain's face crinkles in confusion.]

What for?

[He wants to go home. And curl up with Zeta on a proper bed and kiss him all over. That last makes him angry because he's not sure if it's him or the traces of the chemical in the air.]

[recalcitrare]

I feel as though it deserves some sabotage of its own.

[And the fact that it works on Gallifreyans, very well, could make it a threat to CIA operations involving these aliens in the future. That's the practical reason Zeta can provide if they decide to report it at all.]

[reformedcriminal]

And you're willing to risk getting closer to it, getting right into the epicentre, in order to do that?

[Usually Fevrain would be the first one to leap into something risky. But this is a different sort of risk.]

[recalcitrare]

There must be hazard suits along the way. [He says it as if he planned it, but he's only thinking of it now, as Fevrain points it out.]