[The room Zetta made for him when she assisted the Enclave remnants in reclaiming the National Guard Training Yard is a good room. Large. Tidy. Nathan moved the ranking officer's desk from the old office into a corner of his quarters so he and Zay would have a work space. He sits on top of that desk now, uniform jacket discarded, shirt undone, poking at a bruise swelling on his shoulder. Torvald's punch had been aimed at Zay's solar plexus, but Nathan stepped in before it could connect. It's a good thing. Torvald has an impressive fist. And will also be receiving an impressive disciplinary sentence for striking a superior officer.]
What do you think? Latrine duty or corn shucking?
[He knows Zay hates it here. He wishes he knew how to make it all right. But all he can think of is to try to keep things normal and hope for the best.]
[Zay hasn't been adjusting well. On top of moving to the surface, he moved into a building full of strangers, most of which whom he could barely get along with even on the best of days. He's stayed irritable, at best, for weeks now, even when he's trying not to be -- in other words, even to Nathan. And it's finally come to... this. To Nathan getting hurt because Zay got in a nasty argument with one of his men.
Nathan hardly seems bothered now, though he viciously tore into Torvald immediately after. But Zay finds himself shaken, even though now they're alone.]
I... [He can't pull his eyes away from the bruise darkening on Nathan's skin. That's his fault. He caused that. Torvald is the one who threw the punch, but it was meant for him, not for Nathan. Zay hovers near Nathan, hands outstretched but not quite touching yet. His answer is distracted.] Hmm. I don't... know.
[Zay seems lost in thoughts, not entirely present for the conversation. Usually Nathan wouldn't mind Zay having that kind of single-minded focus on his body, but the reason for it now concerns him.]
Or condemn him to perform an interpretive dance over dinner. What do you think?
[Nathan takes Zay's wrist and slowly pulls him closer until Zay's hand is resting over the bruise. He's not going to break, see?]
[Zay blinks as Nathan takes his wrist, but he doesn't resist, not understanding at first what he's trying to do -- and once he realizes, he tenses, and stays tensed when he makes contact. Guilt twists in his chest and he finds it difficult to breathe for a second.
... Nathan said something, didn't he?
Zay finally looks away to meet Nathan's eyes, the confusion (maybe more like a lost look, honestly) plain in his own. (He's trembling slightly.)]
[Zay feels... a little awkward and a little ridiculous. But then, he's always felt that way since leaving the Institute uniform behind, so how is this really any different? But Nathan will appreciate it, he thinks.
He hopes.
Still, he finds himself straightening the military uniform's cuffs as he waits for Nathan to enter their living area. He refuses to go out and risk any of his men see him, so... He's stuck waiting here for him. He has no idea how long he'll be, and the longer this takes, the more nervous he's getting.
Maybe this was a mistake. He ought to change back...]
[It's another eight minutes before Nathan walks in, his arms full of scavenged drained energy cells that he means to recycle later and his mind is full of patrol schedules. He glances at Zay standing in the middle of the room and stops. His eyes run down over him and then he dumps the energy cells onto the table with uncharacteristic untidiness.
Nathan approaches Zay, looking over him again. He runs his thumb over a rank insignia.]
[Zay is just about to give up and go change when Nathan walks in. As a result, he startles, despite himself.
But the way Nathan looks him over makes him stand a little straighter, even though he isn't entirely aware of it. Stupidly, he remains nervous.
Nathan's focus on him is singular, Zay realizes as he's studied again, and his breath catches. He feels a little bit of tension leave his shoulders even at such a small amount of contact. Still, it takes him a moment to find his voice.]
I thought you might... like it. [A beat.] I found it tucked away in a storage box earlier.
[He knows Zay isn't a soldier; he doesn't need him to be. But just the sight of the uniform on him, the American flag patch on the arm, makes Nathan feel like Zay is his.]
Not that I want you to be something you're not, but I've always appreciated an American army uniform...Lieutenant.
[Zay was in high spirits as he returned to his workspace from the meeting, and remained as such all through the rest of the day. He knows he probably shouldn't be, given the situation, but... He ought to finally be able to start that project he's been arguing with Li about for the past year. He's rather looking forward to it.
Come the end of his shift, he strolls up to Nathan's workspace and raps his knuckles against the doorframe.] Drinks tonight?
Good fortune, what good fortune? Surviving an interminable meeting?
[Nathan saves his work, closes his program, and turns off his terminal. Then he leans back, stretching out his spine gone stiff after hours at the desk.]
[Today was Nathan's second trip to the surface, and Zay has been a nightmare in the lab.
He's sure that, to the lab, it looks like he's suffering from separation anxiety, because as far as they know, as far as they can see, whenever Nathan isn't in the lab, then Zay is sharp, prickly, combative, and overall impossible to work with. It results in him being left alone at his work station, which is fine by him. It's hardly as though he wants to deal with anyone when he's like this.
By dinner time, he's decided to even give up on work. He can't focus any longer on his blueprints or equations. He ignores the cafeteria, though, instead stalking towards his rooms. He doesn't want to eat without Nathan, either. But partway down the hall, he changes his mind and heads towards Nathan's instead. Perhaps... Perhaps he's returned, and is cleaning up, making himself presentable. Zay doesn't know how much he believes it, but... Right now, he has to let himself hope.]
[By the time Nathan returns to the Institute from the DIA bunker, it's too late to resume work in the lab, too late to bother with dinner either. So he goes straight to his rooms after relaying in to grab a quick snack and clean the dust of the wasteland off his skin. He knows it's not that radioactive, but still he imagines that he can almost feel his nerves tingle from it.
He's showered and is in his bedroom, half-dressed, when he hears the door open. Nathan freezes.]
...Zay, is that you?
[There's no one else who should be walking in, but he inches closer to his nightstand, where he set down his plasma pistol, just in case.]
[Nathan immediately relaxes at Zay's voice and instead of inching towards his pistol, goes to greet Zay instead. His hair is damp and a mess of curls from his shower, and he only has boxer briefs and an undershirt on, but he doesn't need to put on any pretenses (or clothes) with Zay.]
[Nathan hasn't made more trips to the surface, so Zay has started to relax back into their regular routine again. He bounces between his projects quickly, trying to get as much done as he can, even as he feels as though he's not getting enough done. The work absorbs him. This, this is what he can do to try to keep Nathan safe. It's all he can do to try to keep Nathan safe. His life narrows to these points, to Nathan, and to each project.
There are stirrings in the rest of the Institute as Ayo pushes the limits of SRB's power, as progress towards Phase Three continues, as rumblings about the Director's own pet projects travel. Zay doesn't notice. He likewise doesn't notice the passage of time, the calendar date. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what he can do to hold on to what he has.
Nathan calls him over to look over his equations, something that Zay remembers in the back of his mind as an excuse to talk, an excuse to flirt, for both of them. Zay has had a very narrow focus all day today especially, so he's half-distracted even as he leans over Nathan to look at his terminal. It means he's closer than usual, actually leaning against Nathan. Normally, they're both more reserved at work, in public in general, but Zay doesn't have the presence of mind to remember. The contact is soothing, grounding. Even if, combined together with his preoccupation with his own work, it means it's taking him longer than it should to process the math he's reading.
He doesn't notice, at all, the approach of someone else. Not until they drop a heavy binder on the desk with a loud bang!, startling him. He snaps his head to glare at the intruder -- only to huff and roll his eyes when he sees who it is.]
What is it? We're rather busy, you know.
I can see that, [Addison replies primly, eyebrows raised high on her forehead. She's retired, but occasionally drifts back into Advanced Systems to play researcher again.]
[Nathan frowns at the newcomer. He recognizes her face, from the public areas of the Institute and the occasional visit to Advanced Systems. One of the Institute's many retired scientists, he assumes. No one he's worked with, spoken to, or plans to work with.]
If you can tell that we're busy, why are you interrupting?
I'd think I'm allowed to come wish my son a happy birthday, [Addison answers with an exaggerated sniff, and she's rewarded with a beautifully blank look on Zay's face. She watches him glance at the date on the terminal.
He furrows his brow.] Hm. I suppose it is.
It is rather like you to forget your own birthday. [He's slow today, isn't he? And not just about the birthday. She's surprised it's taking him this long to figure out what she's really doing here.]
[Zay hates this time of year. Li keeps trying to get him to take time off, but he rejects every attempt. He has too much work to do. And it's important -- has a new purpose, a stronger one than he's ever had before. His work will keep Nathan safe, protect him. And it's the only thing Zay can do to help him, especially when, in the future, he'll be going back up to the surface alone.
And now, the fruits of his labor are starting to show. Well. One fruit in particular.
Zay comes over to stand before Nathan's desk, rapping against it with the knuckles of one hand before lifting it again to help support the large gun he's holding.]
I have something that might be of interest to you.
[Nathan looks up from his terminal, first to Zay's face and then to the gun he's holding. There's a hint of covetousness in his eyes at both. Zay has been busier than usual lately, and even when he's home he often seems distant and distracted. But Zay's come to him now, and Nathan hopes it's a sign.]
[Their supplies are running low enough that it's time to consider trekking out to go shopping. Trade with the settlers at Sanctuary only provides so much. But the downside of living this far out from Boston... is that shopping trips are a full day excursion, if not more than one, depending on the weather and danger.
Zay isn't used to it, isn't used to the way everything he could ever need is more than a short walk away. Isn't used to having to keep an eye on their supplies. They seem like little things, really, in the face of just how much he isn't used to here on the surface. But they feel like the easiest, safest, things to preoccupy himself with.
Nathan is gearing up for the trip, and when Zay approaches him, it isn't to try to wheedle him into staying longer, like it has been in the past, or to pester him needlessly over every detail and make sure he isn't forgetting anything, similarly. No, this time, he's bringing a leather bag with him, a heavy coat, a laser pistol. This time -- ]
I'm coming along. [He states it like a fact, and with more confidence than he strictly feels. Nathan's going to argue it, he knows it, but he's trying to act as though this declaration is enough to make it happen.
Still, though. He's braced for the fight, shoulders set and tense.]
[ Nathan says it equally implacable. Like they aren't arguing over a thing that Zay has agency over, but rather discussing whether or not it's going to snow. ]
You hate being outside.
[There's a bit of extra room in his bag and he's trying to decide whether he should add another purified water, or more ammo.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
National Guard Training Yard
What do you think? Latrine duty or corn shucking?
[He knows Zay hates it here. He wishes he knew how to make it all right. But all he can think of is to try to keep things normal and hope for the best.]
no subject
Nathan hardly seems bothered now, though he viciously tore into Torvald immediately after. But Zay finds himself shaken, even though now they're alone.]
I... [He can't pull his eyes away from the bruise darkening on Nathan's skin. That's his fault. He caused that. Torvald is the one who threw the punch, but it was meant for him, not for Nathan. Zay hovers near Nathan, hands outstretched but not quite touching yet. His answer is distracted.] Hmm. I don't... know.
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[Zay seems lost in thoughts, not entirely present for the conversation. Usually Nathan wouldn't mind Zay having that kind of single-minded focus on his body, but the reason for it now concerns him.]
Or condemn him to perform an interpretive dance over dinner. What do you think?
[Nathan takes Zay's wrist and slowly pulls him closer until Zay's hand is resting over the bruise. He's not going to break, see?]
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... Nathan said something, didn't he?
Zay finally looks away to meet Nathan's eyes, the confusion (maybe more like a lost look, honestly) plain in his own. (He's trembling slightly.)]
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He hopes.
Still, he finds himself straightening the military uniform's cuffs as he waits for Nathan to enter their living area. He refuses to go out and risk any of his men see him, so... He's stuck waiting here for him. He has no idea how long he'll be, and the longer this takes, the more nervous he's getting.
Maybe this was a mistake. He ought to change back...]
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Nathan approaches Zay, looking over him again. He runs his thumb over a rank insignia.]
It looks good on you.
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But the way Nathan looks him over makes him stand a little straighter, even though he isn't entirely aware of it. Stupidly, he remains nervous.
Nathan's focus on him is singular, Zay realizes as he's studied again, and his breath catches. He feels a little bit of tension leave his shoulders even at such a small amount of contact. Still, it takes him a moment to find his voice.]
I thought you might... like it. [A beat.] I found it tucked away in a storage box earlier.
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[He knows Zay isn't a soldier; he doesn't need him to be. But just the sight of the uniform on him, the American flag patch on the arm, makes Nathan feel like Zay is his.]
Not that I want you to be something you're not, but I've always appreciated an American army uniform...Lieutenant.
[He steps a little closer.]
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elle sosu verse, institute
Come the end of his shift, he strolls up to Nathan's workspace and raps his knuckles against the doorframe.] Drinks tonight?
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Hmmm?
[He types a few more lines of code with rapid flicks of his fingers, then looks up.]
What?
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[Then, more regularly,] I'd rather like to celebrate my good fortune.
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[Nathan saves his work, closes his program, and turns off his terminal. Then he leans back, stretching out his spine gone stiff after hours at the desk.]
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elle sosu verse, institute, months later
He's sure that, to the lab, it looks like he's suffering from separation anxiety, because as far as they know, as far as they can see, whenever Nathan isn't in the lab, then Zay is sharp, prickly, combative, and overall impossible to work with. It results in him being left alone at his work station, which is fine by him. It's hardly as though he wants to deal with anyone when he's like this.
By dinner time, he's decided to even give up on work. He can't focus any longer on his blueprints or equations. He ignores the cafeteria, though, instead stalking towards his rooms. He doesn't want to eat without Nathan, either. But partway down the hall, he changes his mind and heads towards Nathan's instead. Perhaps... Perhaps he's returned, and is cleaning up, making himself presentable. Zay doesn't know how much he believes it, but... Right now, he has to let himself hope.]
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He's showered and is in his bedroom, half-dressed, when he hears the door open. Nathan freezes.]
...Zay, is that you?
[There's no one else who should be walking in, but he inches closer to his nightstand, where he set down his plasma pistol, just in case.]
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Yes, [he calls as he follows Nathan's voice to the bedroom. He needs to see him. He doesn't think he'll be able to truly relax until he does.
... well. And until he holds him. That, too.]
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elle sosu verse, institute, may 1st
There are stirrings in the rest of the Institute as Ayo pushes the limits of SRB's power, as progress towards Phase Three continues, as rumblings about the Director's own pet projects travel. Zay doesn't notice. He likewise doesn't notice the passage of time, the calendar date. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what he can do to hold on to what he has.
Nathan calls him over to look over his equations, something that Zay remembers in the back of his mind as an excuse to talk, an excuse to flirt, for both of them. Zay has had a very narrow focus all day today especially, so he's half-distracted even as he leans over Nathan to look at his terminal. It means he's closer than usual, actually leaning against Nathan. Normally, they're both more reserved at work, in public in general, but Zay doesn't have the presence of mind to remember. The contact is soothing, grounding. Even if, combined together with his preoccupation with his own work, it means it's taking him longer than it should to process the math he's reading.
He doesn't notice, at all, the approach of someone else. Not until they drop a heavy binder on the desk with a loud bang!, startling him. He snaps his head to glare at the intruder -- only to huff and roll his eyes when he sees who it is.]
What is it? We're rather busy, you know.
I can see that, [Addison replies primly, eyebrows raised high on her forehead. She's retired, but occasionally drifts back into Advanced Systems to play researcher again.]
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If you can tell that we're busy, why are you interrupting?
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I'd think I'm allowed to come wish my son a happy birthday, [Addison answers with an exaggerated sniff, and she's rewarded with a beautifully blank look on Zay's face. She watches him glance at the date on the terminal.
He furrows his brow.] Hm. I suppose it is.
It is rather like you to forget your own birthday. [He's slow today, isn't he? And not just about the birthday. She's surprised it's taking him this long to figure out what she's really doing here.]
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elle sosu verse, institute, mid-may
And now, the fruits of his labor are starting to show. Well. One fruit in particular.
Zay comes over to stand before Nathan's desk, rapping against it with the knuckles of one hand before lifting it again to help support the large gun he's holding.]
I have something that might be of interest to you.
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My, what a large gun you have.
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The turboplasma project is ready to test. Thought you'd want to see.
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ambiguous future, ambiguously sosufrey, concord
Zay isn't used to it, isn't used to the way everything he could ever need is more than a short walk away. Isn't used to having to keep an eye on their supplies. They seem like little things, really, in the face of just how much he isn't used to here on the surface. But they feel like the easiest, safest, things to preoccupy himself with.
Nathan is gearing up for the trip, and when Zay approaches him, it isn't to try to wheedle him into staying longer, like it has been in the past, or to pester him needlessly over every detail and make sure he isn't forgetting anything, similarly. No, this time, he's bringing a leather bag with him, a heavy coat, a laser pistol. This time -- ]
I'm coming along. [He states it like a fact, and with more confidence than he strictly feels. Nathan's going to argue it, he knows it, but he's trying to act as though this declaration is enough to make it happen.
Still, though. He's braced for the fight, shoulders set and tense.]
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[ Nathan says it equally implacable. Like they aren't arguing over a thing that Zay has agency over, but rather discussing whether or not it's going to snow. ]
You hate being outside.
[There's a bit of extra room in his bag and he's trying to decide whether he should add another purified water, or more ammo.
He chooses ammo.]
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[Zay reaches for the purified water. Nathan clearly isn't going to have the space for it, so that means it's up to him to carry it.
Clearly.
Because he's going to win this fight. He's made up his mind. He has to win this fight.]
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